~DreamMedia-UK

RIGHT, DO NOT GO ANY FURTHER IF YOU ARE YOUNG OR DONT LIKE CERTAIN LANGUAGE

The different types of metal music as personified as the hero in a story of a hero, a dragon and a princess.

HEAVY METAL: Our friend arrives riding a Harley, kills the dragon, drinks a few beers and fucks the princess.

GRIND METAL: Our friend arrives, screams something inconceivable for about 2 minutes and leaves after that.

EPIC METAL: Our friend arrives riding a white unicorn, evades the dragon, saves the princess and they make love in a magic forest.

POWER METAL: Our friend arrives and keeps bouncing around the dragon mocking him, the dragon looses his temper and in his effort to roast him, he burns the princess, the castle and the nearby village. after heart-failure he dies, so our friends leaves to find other princesses

THRASH METAL: our friend arrives, kills the dragon and fucks the princess. simple and fast

FOLK METAL: Our friends arrives with his band playing acordeon, violins and other hand-made instruments. the dragon falls asleep. our friend leaves without the princess.

VIKING METAL: Our friend arrives on a war-ship, kills the dragon with his mighty axe, he roasts him and eats him. after drinking wine from the dragons' skull he rapes the princess till death, loots the castle, burns it to the ground and leaves.

DEATH METAL: our friend arrives, kills the dragon, fucks the princess, kills her and then leaves.

BLACK METAL: our friend arrives at midnight, kills the dragon and puts him on a spike in front of the castle, after that he anal fucks the princess and drinks her blood on a ritual moments before killing her. after that he puts her on a spike too.

GORE METAL: Out friend arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his intenstines infront of the castle, fucks the princess and kills her...then he fucks her dead body, opens her up and eats her intenstines, burns the body and fucks again whats left of her.

PROGRESSIVE METAL: our friend arrives with his instrument of choise and plays an unbelievable solo for 26 minutes. the dragon kills himself out of boredom. our friend goes to the princess' room, switches intrument and plays one more solo using all his skills. the princess kill him, escapes, and now searches for our Heavy metal friend.

GLAM METAL: Our friend arrives, the dragon laughs his skull off and lets him pass. our friend steals the princess' make up collection and tries to re-decorate the castle.

INDUSTRIAL METAL: our friend arrives wearing a stinky coat. gives the dragon the finger and is escorted out of the fairy-land by the secutity personel.

CHRISTIAN METAL: our friend returns from church and sings to the dragon a christian ballad about gods' love. the dragon is now a beleiver and leaves his post. the princess is tring to "thank" him for saving her but our friend is against sex before marrige.

TECH METAL: our friend plays a tonical riff with changes between 11/16 and 13/16. the dragon has a severe brain damage and dies.the princess goes to a music school to find out what the hell was that that she heard.

SPEED METAL: our friend arrives on his bike, driving at unbeleivable speed, hits the brakes and crushes on the castles' wall. the dragon dies from laughing.

DOOM METAL: our friend arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks that he will never beat him, he fall to melancholy and kills himself. the dragon eats his body, eats the princess and now we're all doomed